Sunday, November 16, 2008

Catching up

Dear Dazzy,


Weather here has been C O L D for one whole day,LOL, then thankfully back to normal-but it reminded me of the Winter-to-come, and how I don't have you to snuggle with, but I do have Rangie and the Boomster, so I'll be fine :P

Lonely for you, babe, but fine still the same. I think.

As you know, Kath was here all weekend!( Friday-Sunday)We had fun like always.
She will be back sometime around Chrissy, and I'll go back to Austin with her and then fly back after a few days. The kids will be home, so they can hold down the fort with the dogs and etc. Should be fun, and I am looking forward to it already.

I am at a new place in my journey of grief that is somewhat weird. I am always looking for some shade of normalcy-whatever that means now-and every month that passes brings to me another piece of what might be called my soul.

I am not sure how many months or years or decades or eons or millennia it may take to find all the fragments that it shattered into after your death. I am aware that I may never find them all, and at this point I am OK with that-because I am forever changed by your departure, sweets. Forever.

The pieces DO indeed float by, however; I latch on to them as I can, hopefully rebuilding them into something stronger than what was there before.

Grief is a powerful mortar-mixing the tears of sorrow with the grit of reality.
It's not always pretty, but it does hold the bricks of one's life together.
I'm mixing up a new batch of this goop every single day, babe.

It's sometimes exhausting, but at the same time, it's good exercise.

Like I said, weird eh?

On a more mundane note, it's only one more week and two days until Thanksgiving break-woohoo!The long awaited Australia movie will be released as well-cue the kleenex!

When Hugh Jackman says, "Welcome to Australia..." in that movie trailer, it breaks my heart. He sounds exactly like you did when I got off the plane at Tullamarine that first time, and you found me in the crowd of people coming through customs. You put your arms around me and said those exact words, follwed by "" I remember smiling enormously simply from pure happiness. It was such a heady emotion, felt only when I was in your arms.

I know I'll need the entire box of kleenex during this movie.

The kids will be home, though, so that will be fab. I miss them, the dogs miss them, even the house misses them! It's just so full of life when we are all here-it's only missing you. Like the rest of us, the little Melyork will always miss you.

One good thing about having houseguests is that frantic and crazy cleaning that takes place beforehand. The Melyork is sooooooooooooooo clean, its almost scary, LOL

I cleaned every nook and cranny, all the closets(!) all the laundry, all the stuff outside, and even-can you believe it-shampooed the carpets( thanks for lending me that great machine, P!) I love when all the house is together like this-it's calming in a very weird way to me.

So the house is ready for the holidays. Maybe I will follow. It's certainly not like last year-last year I could have pushed fat old Santa and his stupid elves off a very high chimney and had not one iota of guilt. :P

This year I may even put up a wreath.

Or two.

Love you, Dazzy. Always.
Kisses, Wifey.

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