Friday, November 28, 2008

Thanksgiving Redoux :P

Dear Dazzy,
Well-T-day over, and it was-dare- I say it?-it was O.K.
Of course we missed you heaps, but talking about you makes us laugh sometimes now- we KNOW you are jazzed about the HUGE Cowboy football win on Turkey Day- but I also know you are ticked off to some degree because you did not get to eat any of my famous stuffing
( thanks Mom!) or the dessert of the day-my cherry/strawberry pie with Aussie cutouts! LOL
Of course, since you are not encumbered by your human body at this point in time, I guess food is one thing NOT on your happy list anymore-hmmmm....that's just not right, eh babe?

You know we lit the squirrel candle, you know we watched the Macy's parade-I have watched that thing since I was five or so-and you also know how low keyed but fun it was this year for us-sad, always, without you, but on more of an even keel this time around. Wow. It amazes me even to think about writing those words, never mind believing them.

You also know how bad my Dad's health has been, and he isn't even in one photo op this year because he was asleep for most of it-in between bites of turkey/dressing/etc/and of course, pie.

Hard to see him like this; the only thing that makes it even a little bit OK is knowing that you will probably be the first one to say "Hiya, Harley!" when his time to cross over comes.

I have a hard time lately doing the "I am thankful" thing sometimes.
Which is weird, because you know I was always the queen of gratitude-I knew full well what you and I had, and how rare it was, and how lucky we found ourselves-and while I truly am grateful that I had you in my life at all, and I know I have many other things to be grateful for-our kids, my job, a home-sometimes I just can't spit it out and mean it.

Sometimes I am just so pissed off that whatever caused you to leave us-rotten luck, divine intervention, or bad DNA-I just can't help but think what difference would it have made, in the time scheme of boundless infinity and black hole warp drive, for you to stay with me-with us-until you and I were BOTH old and crotchety, saying "HUH" between every other word

( too proud for hearing aids, LOL, LOL, LOL just a small private joke eh babe?) me typing some drivel on my laptop while you were updating one of you zillion Dazworks websites...
I don't make wishes like that anymore. I know they will never happen, and that's heartbreaking, so I stopped doing it a while ago. I guess I will call that progress?
We still have two more days off this weekend. Today I got to go through some of your Dazworks items( just felt like the right time ) and I shredded many many docos pertaining to you web business. I kept the VIP ones, but sacked all the rest.
What we deem as necessary in this life, is not always so when it comes to crunch time, eh babe?
I guess that's where that gratitude comes in....

Love you, Dazzy.


Kisses, Wifey

1 comment:

jessica said...

Hello, again - guess I have missed a few of yours, lately! I agree with that comment: what difference would it have made, in the time scheme of boundless infinity and black hole warp drive, for you to stay with me -with us -until you and I were BOTH old and crotchety. I feel the same way, completely ripped-off by the early, abrupt departure of my husband. He and I used to look at a pair of elderly folks and comment that someday that would be us. And it hurts to know that that will never be.