Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Season of Light(s)
Oh honey-walking the dogs tonight, seeing all the houses with Christmas lights up-well, that did me in. I have had quite the stretch of "HappyHappy," recently, but absorbing the optical impact of the neighborhood's seasonal lights, all twinkly and flashing, did nothing but make me cry.
Haven't done that is a good long while!
But seeing the eletronic rainbows up and down the street made me realize that gone are the December days of the MelYork, done up ala Griswold, LOL
Even if I could do it myself, it just wouldn't have the same impact driving down the street and seeing our house all over-the-top blinged out, knowing that the guy who was responsible for that isn't here anymore in the flesh.
Right now I feel nothing but a hollow melancholy for the Season of Light-and after being at this grief BS for a while now, I also know that this empty feeling will probably soon pass.
Sad to think that having these kinds of stuttering emotions during the holiday season will now be my new normal, though. In case I haven't mentioned it before, widowhood S-U-C-K-S, big time.
Big time with a halftime show! With fireworks :(
You should be here,Dazzles; buying crazy blow-up X-mas decorations( I WAAAAAAAANT A SNOWMAN! Remember? LOL, LOL, LOL)and overloading the fuse box with a,"Susie...just one more,'kay?" ugly neon-orange power cord, plugged into a zillion twinkly lights that play the Chipmunks's version of Ave Maria or whatever...
I have tomorrow off-planned it months ago, so I could decorate and shop a bit as well. The weather promises to be nice, and I will be out and about in the convertible-probably the last time I will have the top down this season.
I know I will think about Christmases past more than once as I go through the storage boxes in the garage that hold all our holiday gear. I wonder how much decorating I will actually get to do.
I also wonder, when I am out of sorts like tonight, if you could ever truly know how much I miss you, honey. Actually, I wonder if I will ever know the true depth of my emotions for you. Every time I think I have reached my zenith, a new benchmark appears on the horizon, like a new star just waiting to be discovered, with its brigh and flashy twinkly light...
Love you Dazzy. Always.