Wednesday

Dear Dazzy,

Well, today was a tiny bit better, for whatever the reason.

I mean, nothing is right without you here, honey, but sleeping two nights in a row-woohoo!-and walking an hour and a half every night with Smashers this week is doing the trick,I guess.

We walk, we talk, we push past the pain. We laugh at your "Dazzy-isms."
I don't know what I'll do when she goes back to college, but I'll worry about that in August.

Right now I go hour by hour.

My worst time of day is still that drive home from work-it's just so empty of promise.
I DID get to listen to your beloved AC/DC today; that was bittersweet, but the power chords made me feel good, connected to your spirit, sorta.

Social security sent your death benefit today-ouch. I hate getting mail, piece by piece, either addressed to you, or asking about your demise. That really sucks. Like I need a reminder.

Ranger is finally wagging his tail at us again-I had no idea if the old boy was going to cark it there for a while, as you would say in your best Aussie accent.
He made me nervous. Of course, I feel the same way; life without you, babe , is one long stretch of lonely highway. The dog lies in his same spot-the middle of the bed-like he is waiting for you to come on in and get comfy with us. I wait too, even though I know it's simply in vain.

So now I make lists of things to do, in order to fill the endless days and nights without your smile, you touch, your kisses, your laughter, your bad jokes.

Without you.

I vacuumed the convertible tonight. The sun was setting, all purples and golds leaping off the framework of the clear blue Texas sky filled with wispy tufts of sugar white clouds.
I realized that I hadn't cleaned the car since you did it more than a month ago!

That was just one loving gesture that you extended to me that I miss so. Things like washing/cleaning my car late Sunday arvo's, unless football was on that behemoth TV of yours, or we were otherwise engaged.

I don't mind doing it. I just liked it better when I had you on my team, and we did all this stuff together.

It was certainly more fun.

Damn, Daryl, everything I did with you was so much fun.
You made our everyday life hilarious!
The burping alone...well what can I say. I have never heard anyone do it so loudly, or for so long, or quite so intensely, :P

The kids and their friends were always so impressed. Way to go, honey!

Now the house is quiet. Too quiet. I put on HGTV and listen to some stupid show because it has an Aussie carpenter on it! It lets me listen just for s sec to the accent that I had grown to love so much.

It's hard for me to hear your voice on things right now, however.
Even though I miss the sound of it so much, knowing it is just a recording, and that you are really in that next dimension of life, is a bit much for me. Maybe one day I'll be comforted by the silliness of your videos that you made for moi when we were living oceans apart, but right now my heart would not be able to take it.

Bed time now honey. I keep waiting to be with you in my dreams-when will that happen?
I hope it's soon. I miss you heaps.
Love, Wifey :)