Flashing Red Bowties and Prizes

Dear Dazzy

Love this pix of ,me and Ash-when she did some of her last performances at CCCCD. Mikey took the shot; we were really proud os our Smashley in her starring role on stage. The movie tonight made me think of that time...

Tonight Ash and I went to see Hairspray-OMG it was so funny and sweet, its my new fave movie, babe. You would have totally enjoyed it!

Two points came up that made me a little teary-once when the cute boy says to his soon-to-be girl, "...This is the beginning of a grand adventure..."

WHAT?! That sentence certainly got my attention. They totally stole your line babe-and I know it was yours first, because I have it in your handwriting, in one of the first cards you ever sent me.

The second time I got all verklempt was when the Dad figure sports a flashing red bow tie!

I know you actually own one of those. Andrew told me it back at home in Box Hill.

I didn't ask WHY you had one of those, LOL, LOL, LOL I can only imagine!

Damn, I miss that crazy, funny side of you, honey. Bugger!

Anyway, before the movies, I did heaps around the house today, Dazzy. I put two more hooks on my closet door, another coat of VP in the kitchen, and installed the other piston thingy on my trunk-no more guillotine closings, :P

I paid some bills, finished updating my will/dnr/crap like that; have to write a letter or two and pick some final directive thingies to go in my "Afterlife" box-it's blue, like yours-but it was a good day overall. I felt accomplished and was relaxed enough to really enjoy the movie, even with those two thankfully short-lived glitches.

It's been tough coming up with a new daily routine. I had to abandon waiting for you, making us dinner, calling you first when I had news of any sort, making lunch dates just to see you for an extra hour :) planning weekends and birthdays and everything else that went with our married life.

So my routine now consists of :

Getting up early with Boomer, feeding his lil butt and letting him out-all before 7 am (!) then letting Ranger out and feeding him while Boomie os exploring the yard;

Reading my e-mail, online papers here and in Oz, and checking in on the Matesupover group;

Eating breaky and doing crossword, then taking Boomer on a long walk;

Chores of the day-bank, laundry, food shop, clean, etc.

Project of the day-right now its kitchen stuff

Lunch and a bit of magazine reading/TV from recorded stuff

More project/house/lawn stuff

Dinner with kids if they are home, phone and TV and movie etc-whatever works

Walk at 9 pm with or without dogs, just depends on my mood

Back in at 10/ shower/tea/ blog writing

Sometimes I chuck it all when I am feeling low. Most days this is my new normal . Lunch and dinner with friends, long phone talks, and good cries are added in as needed. For me, reading about how grief works is optional but necessary every day as well.

I am getting there honey, slowly, slowly, slowly; I am getting to that place where I will be O.K.

Your memory spurs me on to keep saying "No Worries, she'll be riiiiiiiiiiiiight, mate" whenever I think it's all too much to bear.

Thanks for that honey-even though you are physically gone, you are still the hubby and the dad of our family and you are still helping us all in ways we never imagined.

Weird, but true.

Love you Dazzy. Always.

Kisses, Wifey