Saturday, October 06, 2007

Dreamtime in October

Dear Dazzy,

With Ash here for the weekend I am actually relaxed and happy.
Love it when a kid comes to sleep over.
We shopped and ate and had a good time with the crazy dogs, LOL We watched a bunch of recorded TV-like Family Guys season opener, with Star Wars overtones-CLASSIC stuff! We totally thought of you, honey, while we watched.

(This pix is Dazzy and his damn cigarillo-at Disney World, on our first family vacation, 2003. The face paint was a surprise for me on my birthday! What a larrikin...)

We also laughed out loud when we went to Wal-Mart for some basic everyday stuff.
As we wandered down the Halloween aisle, a few puffy-material trick-or-treat baskets FLEW off the shelves right in front of Ashley! I was behind her, and we both laughed that it HAD to be you with your Halloween fetish, LOL
Good one Dazzy! A right lil ripper you are still! :P

Although if you "aren't missing anything" you know all this already, right babe? :)
I hope so. It's a very comforting thing to believe.

I have also had my best dream of you so far: You and I walking along a beach, looking at each other, holding hands, talking-but I have no idea what is being said; when we get to this certain spot on the beach there is a soft peachy striped color
( like a sunset) blanket on the sand.

The blanket is filled with written words, but the only thing I could read was what you are writing-you had an artist's paintbrush in your hand, and were writing in a rectangle on the border of the blanket itself:

"I would give up all my sunsets..." is all I can remember/see.

I loved this dream-peaceful, calm waters, us so in love-and you leaving me some kind of message! DAMN I hope i get to remember all of it, LOL Wish I had a TIVO for dreamtime!

According to the Dream site:
To see the beach in your dream, symbolizes the meeting between your two states of mind. The sand is symbolic of the rational and mental processes while the water signifies the irrational, unsteady, and emotional aspects of yourself. It is a place of transition between the physical/material and the spiritual.

To dream that you are on the beach and looking out toward the ocean, indicates unknown and major changes that are occurring in your life. Consider the state of the ocean, whether it is calm, pleasant, forbidding, etc.

To dream that you are looking toward the beach, suggests that you are returning to what is familiar to you. Alternatively, you may be adapting or accepting to the changes and circumstances in your life.

To dream that you are relaxing on a beach, signifies that the coming weeks will be calm and tranquil for you. Your stress will be alleviated and you will find peace of mind.

To see a blanket in your dream, symbolizes warmth, love, security and protection. You may be seeking for some form of shelter from the outside world. Consider also how your dream may be calling attention to a "cover-up" in some situation or circumstance in your waking life.

To see the sunset in your dream,
indicates the end of a cycle or condition. It is a period of rest, renewal, and evaluation


Nan also said to pay attention to music-that you would "talk" to me through it.


There is a radio station here in town that I never listen to anymore because they are so juvenile, so wrapped up in that suburban pseudo-cool crap that I outgrew them intellectually ages ago. Anyway, one morning on the way to school I was just channel surfing when I stopped at the tail end of a song I liked -and I just left it on that channel.

They are interviewing the artist, and she is live in the studio, and she says her next song is called Just Breathe-and so I left it on.


Its about loss, putting one foot in front of the otter when you can't go on, etc.
It was really good. Made me cry of course, LOL, but what else is new?

That afternoon I get in the car and Pink's "Who Knew" was on so I change that quickly and hit straight on to ACDC and "You Shook Me All Night Long"...a particular fave of hubby for me
( a kind American reference is in this song, lol. )

So now that I am paying attention a bit more I am reading things differently. Its comforting in a weird way. I mean, wouldn't I rather have you really, really here instead of this hocus-pocus-now-you-see-me-now-you-don't crap?

Of course, babe. What I wouldn't give to have you here with me!
But it's not ever going to be. I've made peace with that. It hurts, but it's the truth and as all truth it must be accepted.

The night I had my semi-meltdown this week was also the night that as I was finally falling asleep after a soul-wringing cry I smelled a VERY STRONG scent-cigarillos mixed with cologne!

Now you were not supposed to be smoking at ALL when you were here in the flesh, but I knew you snuck em here and there-and always with those cigarillos!
The smell was right near my head, near my pillow-as if you was lying next to me, talking,but forgot the Listerine mouthwash before you came to bed :)

It was scary and awesome all at the same time.
It lingered a bit then was gone, as I was falling asleep.

Thanks, honey. That was amazing. Just like you!

Love you Dazzles. Always and forever.
Kisses, Wifey

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