Tuesday, October 23, 2007


Dear Dazzy,

Well, your memorial bench arrived today-and it's going to be a nice part of the garden, if that even makes any kind of sense. I mean, YOU should still be hanging around out in our garden, I shouldn't have to have a bench out there to take your place-know what I mean, honey?
It's weird.
My only mistake was getting the lil plaque thingy engraved .
I had three lines, and I put your name, the born/died dates, and "G'Day Mate!" last.
It's all fine-except that date of death.

Like I wouldn't remember THAT?!?
What was I thinking?
Obviously, I wasn't! GRRRRRRR...

So I just wrote to the company and told them I was "happy" with their product but I have to make a slight change. It needs to say, " in loving memory of my larrikin hubby" or something along those lines...:(

That date on there is so final. After talking to that medium, and reading about the afterlife/souls/the great beyond, I have changed my idea a bit of what may be possible in life after death.

That date on that plaque says to me that this person ceased to exsist on that particular day.
I used to believe that was true.

I don't believe it anymore.

I think it's just a date when your earthly experience came to an end, but honey, you surely live on in me , the kids, you friends, your family...and others whose lives you touched in ways we don't comprehend yet.

So the plaque will be replaced ASAP and the bench will go outside-maybe under the front tree for now. Mikey and Ash will be home in two weeks and they can help me put it into place because we have to attach the sides first and it's kinda HEAVY!
Definately a two or three person job. And Boomie and Rangie are NO help, LOL

I went to the grief therapist today, and she feels like I am doing all the correct things thus far.
I know it's a long steep uphill climb out of the pit of mourning, but I believe I am getting there.

It's good to have her validate how I feel. I want life to embrace me once again, and not just have it swirl around me like a ... wow. My first thought was "ghost" but then I stopped myself-how weird would it be to use that word? Very much a Freudian slip, ya think, honey? Ouch. Truth really does hurt.

We talked about me making it through the six month barrier. I realize that the days leading up to the event are almost always more fraught with anxiety than the actual day itself. That what happened this time as well. Good to know the pattern for the future.

With November comes the 3rd-which would have been the 8th anniversary of the first day we ever said "Hi" to one another. What a day, babe, eh? :P Talk about a life changing moment!

The ninth is Derek's birthday-he would have been twenty-three this year!
To say that time flies is such an understatement.
I wonder if you have met up with his soul yet?
I like to think that you would be drawn to him. He looked just like me, really, but with curly blonde hair-those typical cherubic angel-type curls. He was my first, the child that allowed me to add MOM to my earthly resume :) I know you'd love him like I do.

Of course, first we have to get through Halloween; that then ushers in all the rest of the holiday season-and we'll be doing that one hour at a time here in the "W" household. I know it's mostly
going to suck. Last year at this time we were decorating and planning food and coodinating our time off, and you said "yes" to helping deliver pressies through our school adopt a family thingy and ...goddamn.

How awful will that be this year?

Oh yeah and career day is coming up...the one that you used to volunteer for all these past years. The kids LOVED your graphic arts presentations! You were a very requested host, LOL

I know I'll cry when they assign me a speaker for that day and it will NOT be DJW. :(
Even they miss you, Babe.

Well, enough of that sad crap. I am tired of the sadness, the longing, the ache in my heart.
Time to replace it with something better. Hope will do for now...

Love you Dazzles. Always. Forever. Up to the sky and back ( wink, wink)again!
Kisses, Wifey

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