Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Christmas 2007

Pix from our last Christmas together-2006...

Dear Dazzy,

It's ten PM.
Looks like I made it through Chrissie this year without you.
Not sure how that happened, but it did.

I remember hearing your voice for the first time on Christmas morning, 1999. You called me at 7 AM! We had been chatting for a few weeks and wanted to hear what the other person sounded like-you all Aussiefied and me with my Noo Yawk inflections.We were smitten right then and there. I was still asleep on the couch, and you were ready to go to Chrissie lunch with Andrew and the Parkers. It was the first of many, many calls... :)

Then there was the Monday that year you finally landed on American soil to stay. Mikey was whisked off to hospital for five days only a few hours after you arrived! When I came home that Friday night after work, Mikey was in bed(yea, he was home) and you had put strings of colored lights all around the ceilings in the whole apartment! It was like a Christmas fairie land.

Another year we sent videos to each other because we were apart. I sent you a green velvet stocking that I had made for you; I had its mate. We use them to this day.

Last year you gave me my beautiful watch.
One year it was diamond earrings.
Another it was a boxful of Victoria's Secret things.
You made us cards, and later made the family card every year.
You hung the lights and pulled the tree out the minute we were done with the Turkey on Thanksgiving.
You were Father Christmas, ya know?

I never got an appliance or a sweater.
Thanks you honey!
Your gift-giving got better every year, but the best gift you ever gave me was saying "Yes" to becoming my hubby.

You always took charge of giving out the pressies, making the tea, collecting the paper trash, taking the holiday photos.
It was oddly quiet this moring in the W house, with Christmas 2007-our first without you physically here.
We sent off a balloon with notes to you right after we opened our pressies this morning-it was a loving gesture that we all felt good about. Hope you liked it.It's been a terrible holiday season.

I didn't expect it to be wonderful, but frankly it's been like a rollercoaster through hell. I simply can't listen to another note of x-mas music.

I will be grateful when NYE passes into 2008. I will most likely be sound asleep, because the thought of not ringing in the New year with you is almost too much to bear, coming on the heels of Thanksgiving and Christmas and the twins' birthdays.It all sucks.

There have been bright spots-I got a fancy new robe and choccies and an I tunes card, etc from the kids. The weather has been nice. I talked with family and friends and made dinner here at home-Christmas dinner without you.
It just made me sad, all the while I was cooking, knowing that once again I would sit in your chair .It's so hard some days, honey, I think, "Why bother?"

Then I get back into the reality groove and I put one foot in front of the other and I just get things done.
I am not happy, Jan :)
I feel like a pinball, stuck in a hole near the off-kilter, upper flipper of a game that has half the lights out, with the score reel spinning out of control.

Sigh...the thing I know after all these eight months is that no one will be coming to save me -I have to do that for myself.

I know that for sure.

Roll on 2008. I've had enough.

Love you Dazzy- Always.
Merry Christmas Kisses, Wifey.


Anonymous said...

Best wishes and kind thoughts sent your way...

TwoUp said...

Oh S - your blog sends chills down me - thank you for sharing your life with us.