Tuesday, December 18, 2007

More weird happenings in the TX triangle :P

Dear Dazzy,

Ok babe. What's the deal now?
Today, "S"-a teacher form another grade, but still in our SpEd dept-came to talk to me after school.

Seems she had a dream about you-you phoned her at school, and told her you "HAD" to get a message to me. Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, since she and I are only acquaintances, not friends, we don't IM or text or hang out-know what I mean?

Why not Kathy?

Why not one of the kids?

Hmmmm... I know "S" is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more religious that I will ever be-and she believes in contact after earthly life is done, so maybe that's why it was her?


Anyway, she knows you told her three things, but she can only remember ONE!

She said you told he to tell me to "watch/pay attention to the light."
Um, yeah that narrows it down!

A light in the house? the car? the closet?

The one at the end of the friggin' tunnel I am living in?

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, this stuff makes me crazy!

She is working to remember what the rest of this message is/was.
I hope it clicks for her soon, 'cause it will drive me over the edge. Soon.

Saw my shrinky-dink today;that's always good. I told her I feel lighter in spirit, like a piece of this two-zillion-ton rock of grief that I carry around has calved itself and sluiced off into parts unknown.

Good riddance. I only hope it's not boomerang shaped.

Maybe it's because the sun is out and it's 70 degrees and I had the top down today on the Sebring.

Maybe it's because despite how much it SUCKS not to have you here with me/us this Chrissie, it is still Christmas-and I sometimes find that holiday spirit you and I both always had in spades. It's very elusive, but it's around.

Maybe it's just that more acceptance has creept into my brain/heart, a fog over the land form of my emotions( which I am sure are Australia shaped).

Who knows? I'll take it though. It beats crying until I heave.
And then crying because I heaved.
And crying yet again- because now I look like I feel..!

On the 26th of December, I will not miss the music of the season or the decorations , the lights, the jewelry commercials, the happy families shopping, the
myth that has morphed from a story of redemtion into a grievous glut of greed.

I won't miss it and I don't think I will ever really celebrate like I used to.

At least not this year, honey.

Not this year.

Love you Dazzy. Always.
Kisses, Wifey.

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