Sunday, January 27, 2008

Australia Day 2008!

Dear Dazzy,

Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! Oi!Oi!Oi!

Did you hear all 12 of us from the Mates board as we shout that last night?
Between that and singing "Waltzing Matilda" and "I Still Call Australia Home" at the Outback Steakhouse in Addison, TX, we had quite a night.
It was fun. ( I am the one hidden on the left, holding up the flag-only the blonde shows up, LOL)

Something I don't get a whole heap of these days.

We met up with many of the people that were here at the house in September; Mikey joined us as well, so I didn't have to go stag-that was sweet of him. A few newbies rounded out the dais and we chatted, as someone said, like Galahs!

We had a few glasses of Jacob's Creek Cabernet and grilled shrimp and we were riiiiiiiiiiiiight.
We all wore our Aussie T-shirts and even I noticed that the poster they had hanging up on the wall that read "Koala BEAR" was incorrect-a Koala is NOT a bear, it's a marsupial!

Surely I can get a leg up on an Aussie citizenship with that fact? :P

So my Sat-day was pretty spesh. We raised a glass to you as well honey-to all the mates that couldn't be with us...

Friday was another story altogether. I went to see the PSHS play "Scarlett Pimpernel."
Good story, kids were fab, then came the "after." Too many people who don't know me/my/our story, I felt like-here we go again, totally out of my element-and the only person there, gay or straight, without my significant other by my side.

Ouch. The tears started, I begged off, D understood and saw me to my car, that of COURSE I couldn't find-I am a smart chick, but I don't have to tell you that I never know where I am parked. You had great internal radar, babe, which was another reason why we worked so well together, LOL

I am surprised when I find the car by myself these days. But I do.

Today was a slower day; I put together a new outdoor table ( Garden Ridge sales rock)
that I bought alone and put into the convertible alone and drove home one to help me see around the cars driving by or yada yada yada.

Know what? It was fine.

Almost like when I was getting the apartment ready for your first visit, when I went and bought great candles and shaving cream(!) and all kinds of fun food and that Beringer I did that all by my lonesome, as I had been doing things for years.

Not sure why know that astounds me now.

What I wouldn't give to relive that day, September 20th, 2000, over and over again, ala Bill Murry's Groundhog Day. I go there a lot in my head, because it wasn't so much an end to us being apart as it was our beginning as a happy couple who could live together on the same continent!

All those dreams we had, we realized, except for the growing old together part.
I will always be sad about that., but I AM happy about all those others.
Living together.
Making a home.
Exploring what makes up was grand, honey.
Just grand.

Today, we also took Boomer to the Dog park-oh oh, with no football on 'til next week and temps in the high 60's it meant that EVERY dog in our neck o' the woods was there!

Boomer loved it.

He stole toys and licked kids and ran like the Aussie wannabe Skippy roo that he is, LOL

I know you are running beside him some days, calling his name, saying "C'mon, ya mongrel..." I just know it. I feel it. I know.

I can hear it being said in your voice.
The voice I miss so very much.
That accent!
That bass register.


Tonight, I have also figured out all about RSS feeds and have added them to my MSN page and I am reading all kinds of geek lit in order to do stuff on the computer that you used to do for me.
I am hacking around at a good pace, babe, and I am sure you are proud of how far I have come on the ol' cpu since 1999, :P

During all this new found confidence on the web, I started a Grief info site on (kinda took the name after Dazworks, ya know? )

Not totally sure what kind of content I will be posting there, but it won't be so emotionally driven like this blog-I would like to put some things on there that have helped me in my journey on the river Styx.

We'll see how that works over time.
My enemy and my friend all at once.
The thing that humans created to make some sense in the world.
I wonder how you measure time now, Dazzy?
Do you see us and think how stupid we are here to try and control something as meaningless as time?
Or do you understand, finally, the concept of time and its relationship to the universe?
Pssst...come share it with me , honey. You know how I love that stuff!
So there you have my weekend-went out twice, did heaps around the house, kept busy busy busy, and not one minute of any part of the day in which I took a breath did I not think about you, about our family, about US.
Dazzy, this is so hard to keep doing. It truly is. I know I am better at 9 months out than I was at three or six, but goddamn. This grief thing really kicks some serious "arse."
Aussie, Aussie, Aussie-Oi!Oi!Oi!
Love you, Dazzy. Always.
Kisses, Wifey.

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