Monday, February 04, 2008

Summer in February

Dear Dazzy,
Woo-Hoo we have had such nice weather for the past three days-summer temps, no heat, windows open, happy dogs, LOL

I know it won't last; February is getting ready to say HAHAHA in a few hours or so. I did take advantage of the situation and got heaps of garden readiness done-put up the chicken wire fence, etc. Bill next door gave me the name of a guy that will do the hardscaping cheap( dirt, stone chips, wood chips) and I'll be calling them at the end of this month if my dental bill is not too ridiculous tomorrow. EEEK I hate the drill/fill routine. I thought I was DONE with all that last year, but surprise here's a new cavity to deal with-great.

So now we are officially into February: Groundhog Day ( 6 more weeks of winter as the fur flies), sister's b-day, my late Mom's b-day, and of course Valentine's Day. I am taking the day off from work-I cannot imagine dealing with the delivered flowers at school for everyone else but me.

It will be an awful day. Last year your Mom was visiting, we had dinner at Mimi's, you gave us great cards, etc. and we had a very nice evening. Little did we suspect that it would be our last one. :(

I watched a news video today of John Ritter's widow tlaking about her malpractice suit against the two surgeons who screewed up and let her hubby die of something that could have been fixed! That horror is somehting I know about. You too were being seen by a good Dr, given a wonderfully clean bill of health, sent on your way with a "take your pill and exercise" admonishment and nothing more.

John Ritter has a brother whose life was saved by John's demise. The brother has now had the correct testing and repair of the same abnormality that killed his brother. Much like in our family, where your brother Steven gets the benifits of your passing.

It's sad and happy all at the same time.

I have had weird things go on lately-the light over the bed hasd four bulbs; I was listening to the mediums' cd of our ( hers and mine that is) conversation months ago, and when it came to the part on the cd where it alked abvout how much we loved each other, the bulb above we blinked out. No big deal, my first thought was that I would have to drag the stupid step ladder in because I cannot reach the bulb to replace it; then I thought about a freind of mine who dreamt of you telling her to tell me to ..." pay attention to the light-" and as I thought that, I said out loud to the dogs, "maybe that's the light huh boys?"

No sooner did I say that then the light blinked on again.


While I was standing there thinking about THAT happening, the Cd player slowed down-so that the sounds were all s-l-o-w , like when we used to spin records backwards for "secret" messages back in the early 70s :P

I finally had to shut the CD payer off and restart it-wow.

I know that Harry Houdini's widow had seance after seance fore him-for ten years!-and she never head a peep.
I am not so sure what's what these days, babe, so I'll belive what I like and the heck with anyone who thinks I am nuts. :)

I went out Sat-day night. I creid all the way there, and all the way home, but heck I still went and stayed and talked and ate and didn't shed one tear while I was there.

Yea me.

I told me shrinky-dink today that I feel as if I am waiting , but I don't know for what.
I just want this grief to leave me, for my crying to be over, for whatever life is coming-the one I had no clue about-to arrive already!

Paitience is not in my makeup kit.

Hope you like how the side yard/garden is shaping up honey. How I wish upon wish that you were here with me to do it all. I think you anr around some days, I can feel you close by, and I hope you are proud of me still.

Many months ago I thought I would be "better" by now-I don't know what I was thinking. I fell removed from the life we had, and yet immeshed in it still. Like a Twilight Zone episode, eh babe?

Now I know that when I read about widows who talk about being "two years out " and still having a hard time, that they are NOT the crazy ones-they are more like the norm.

There's not much more to say to you honey that I haven;t already said a zillion times-I love you , I miss you, I wish you were still here...

Love You Dazzles.
Kisses, Wifey

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