Sunday, March 02, 2008

Signs, signs , everywhere a sign...

Dear Dazzy,

Ok, first was the black hawk soaring past the treetops yesterday morning, just beautiful...
Your username when we said "HI" the very first time?


Then off to the Container store for yet more organizing goodies; last time in there we chatted up a woman who was from New Zealand( salesperson) and it was like old home week for you and this chick.

While I am standing at the check out, I read the label on the lunch thingy I am buying-

Made in New Zealand.

As I am smiling at that one, a girl crosses my line of vision with a sports hoody on-with

emblazoned across the front!

After CS I zip over to the mall to pick up a prezzie for a friend's kid. On the way to the store I need to go to, I pass by the Games store-all kinds of games, from chess to the latest video ones-and on the shelf right in front/ middle is :


The Game!

I have had a pretty decent week babe , and I think this was you saying,
"Waytogo, Babe!" like you would have if I had done something cool/positive/fun.

They are, as always, bittersweet. Sighs for what could have been, tears for what is, hopw for a life that will be OK one day.

It's been a while since I wrote to you; most days I just talk out loud-LOL the dogs don't seem to mind. I just have to remember not to do it too much when I am OUT of the house :P

More signs?

Last week I found that dime in my jewlery organizer.

A week ago I SWORE I saw you sitiing on the couch in the lounge room, just like you always did. I told the therapist about it; she said it's NOT post tramatic stress or anything like that.

She agreed that maybe it WAS you , honey!

Maybe, indeed.

Work continues on the side garden.
It's going to look great and be really useful ( veggies and flowers)too. Hurry Spring!

Today we have wild weather coming-its 70 degrees, by morning it will drop to 30(!!!!) and we may have SNOW-Yes, folks SNOW-here in TX in a place that only sees the white stuff once in a blue moon!

Saw a great movie this past weekend; talked to friends, making plans to attend a young widow get together thing soon and I've got book club and dog aglity to look forward to later this month.

Add in the job and maybe a kickboxing class and I will be able to fill my time, and continue on this journey of grief while mourning the most fantastic man I have ever known.

Oh, and we change the clocks next week, WOOHOO!

Not sure hows it's going to be, going into spring again.
It is my fave season, yet it is also the one you left us in, last April. Paradoxical, with no concrete answer, yet everyone who misses you will be going through it as well.

I am still sad when I get mail addressed to you; when I have to tell people , "Sorry he's not really here anymore," or whern I have to tick a box on a form that states Married/divorced/widowed."

Good thing is I finally updated my passport with our new addy etc; only took a few weeks to come and now I am all set for Oz in June sometime.

I did heaps around the house today with the garden and baseboard stuff ( glue and a calking gun- look out) and was on the ladder to nail down a corner by the fireplace fitting that loves to lift during high winds.

I have done laundry and food for a few lunches and nights( damn dieting grrrr)and walked both doggies and now am winding up my night.

Sadly I will not be snuggling with you under the covers, totally secure while the thunderstorm rages outside, dog(s) at our feet...

I know those days are past, yet I still wish I could live them out again and again. I probably always will.

When the storm that rages outside matches the one in my soul, I sigh and think of the kids, of the love you gave us all, of the thought of seeing you again for all eternity.Of things that make me smile inside my heart, if not outwarldy as well.

Meanwhile someone has to live life to the fullest here, as a testimony to you, my love.

I know that's why I saw that black hawk yesterday. Thanks, honey-I really am doing it, aren't I.

Love you , Dazzy. Always.
Kisses, Wifey

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