Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Countdown mode-T minus 5...

Dear Dazzy,

So, after a blowout on the Sebring, two new tires, a red-light ticket( ME????) and a huge "something" bite on my ankle that if it gets any bigger I will have to name,
I was happy to have a quiet night Tuesday.
I did spend a good portion of it on the phone, but you know that is not ever a hardship for me. :)
It was all that practice I had with you, babe, all those years ago...

So here we are in the midst of that last week before you and I move into year TWO.
This timeline boggles at its complexity; I have said it many, many times-it feels like both a lifetime ago and just yesterday since you and I cuddled up on the sofa to watch COPS or Family Guy or any myriad of movies we owned/rented/downloaded.

Didn't you just leave a "G'day, Gorgeous" on my phone?

Didn't we just laugh together for the billionth time over something stupid and goofy that Rangie, we or the kids did?

I am sure it was less than 24 hours ago that I called and left you a message at work about that Friday night (a year ago!) and what/where you felt like eating; which movie was your pick to go see; what home improvement project we would do next-all the fun things we would gab about.

T minus would laugh about that reference, re: our Star Trek/Star Wars thing; and our nighttime sky star wishes. I miss that heaps, babe. Always will, too.

However, as much as I still miss all those things, I have made peace with the fact that you and I will not be together in the same physicality for quite some time. I am really OK with it finally, and I am starting to look forward to the future instead of looking only to the memories of the past.

Day by day, moment by moment, slowly but surely, I am building a new normal. I am great some days, awful others, but all told I have far more good days than bad now. I am happy about that-and you know , babe, it's been far too long since I could use the word happy in a sentence that was connected to moi.

I will go back to finish my master's degree in the fall. I will be visiting Oz in June and settling some things over there with regard to your estate.
I have finally gotten a handle on the weight thingy! I am planning again-and while I may never have Pollyanna as a middle name anymore, lol, I know I can find joy once again in my life. I am weirdly certain of it. I can hear it fluttering around, like the wings of a dragonfly-deceptively delicate yet capable of flight.

Leonardo Davinci once said,

" Once you have tasted flight,
you will forever walk the earth
with your eyes turned skyward,
for there you have been,
and there you will always long to return."


Love you, Dazzy. Always.

Kisses, Wifey.

No comments: