I am starting this post in the arvo-it's just a Tuesday here in TX with me and a list of a few things I need to get done; later on it will be walkies with Boomie and dinner alone tonight-not a bad thing really, but I miss you so when summer is here.
You used to come home from work and start taking off your tie in the car, LOL and once you were in the door and into shorts, we would eat grilled fish and veggies or a chicken salad and watermelon and enjoy a cold one-a stubby of Corona, usually-while we sat out on the back deck.
After we cleaned up, we would put on our swimsuits and go visit at our old apartment complex-they still have the same combo for the pool, LOL- then we would enjoy swimming in the warm water as the sun went down. We would goof around a lot and swim a bit for exercise and enjoy each others company without TV, phones, or the Internet around.
After darkness crept in, we would drive back to the "MelYork" house and you would settle into the computer/office space and I would read/etc, and all would be right with our small corner of the universe.
I am going back there tonight to swim-I am in the mood to go-but it will be another one of those "what's wrong with this picture" moments. I had my grief counselor today, and we talked about doing the same things you and I used to do seasonally, but how its OK that now I do them alone.
I told her I am really making peace with that, but it is still sad.
Those things will always have that tinge of sadness, I am sure.
We also talked about that Vitriol -filled email that I received this week-and how, as the saying goes, "Those who sling mud lose much ground..." (Thank you, Confucius)
I hope that when this person faces you again in the hereafter, that they are proud of the words they have written and sent with such hate.
Even after all that BS, I am in a much better mood today-jet lag is gone, I have sorted some more of your things now that they are back here with me, and I am hopeful about the future in a tiny,tiny way.
I know my trip was cathartic and therapeutic, even while it was heartfelt and hugely sad, but it was the right thing to do. It's not closure, but more of another chapter finished in my mourning of you, honey.
If my mourning is a book, then it is encyclopedic in volume.
It may never be finished, and if not, so be it.
I will always be the one to tell your story, Babe-warts and all-because you would want it that way.
So later tonight as I relax in the pool, I will say, "I love you, Dazzy" out loud.
I hope that the fireflies, who come out as the sun goes down, lighting the sky like portable stars, will hear me and take those word to you-just in case.
Because words are such powerful things, they should always be used with good intention, for they can make all the difference in someones life. Or afterlife :)
Love you, Dazzy-Always.