Friday, December 26, 2008

Happy Twin Day :)

Dear Dazzy,
23! Wow! Hard to believe that our munchkins are 23 today!

I know you are/would be as proud of them as I am , honey. Graduating in May!
Making a life for themselves that includes friends and family, generosity and courage; using all the life-tools that we gave to them as parents, they embrace change wholeheartedly day after day. In your words-they ROCK! :P

Tonight they are out with friends, back home later to have cake and champers.
Yes, I made their cakes, like always-M has strawberry with a Yankees logo and A has vanilla/confetti with a Twilight theme-way too cool! Pix to follow...
So, the kid's b-day was easier this year than last; X-mas sucked the life out of me again ( and probably always will) and I am sure NYE will fare about the same.
I have heaps of decisions to make in 2009 regarding my Masters degree, where we all want to live after the twins graduate ( Wait-do I hear Oz calling? hmmmm) and what kind of care my Dad should be getting. Sister and I argue over that one all the time; that's an ongoing thing that eventually will iron itself out.


Dad is ill with various maladies-took him to urgent care place today, wasn't too bad of a wait, he's got some new meds, so we'll see what's what in a few days.
Mr P. is not doing well either, and the year 2009 looms with the "...waiting for the other shoe to drop..." promise that I would love to ignore.

Sadly, none of us ever get to do that.

I heard Savage Garden today while waiting at the CVS, getting my dad's scripts-it amazes me how our brains are so wired to connect music or smells with feelings;
I was instantaneously transported to years ago summertime, walking around the neighborhood at a good clip, for exercise, with my walkman on (LOL no mp3's back then yet!) and the sweat dripping while I anticipated getting on the cpu to "talk" with you @ 9pm MY time, 2 pm ( next day)YOURS. That was our permanent time setting for quite a while, and it brought a good deal of structure to our long-distance relationship.

You once asked me what motivated me to go and exercise like that every night at
7pm and I said something flip like, "I like to stay in shape..."
Since your death, I have not worried about being in any kind of shape, sorry to say.

Maybe I'll find some motivation again-surely it's buried underneath my Australia sized grief, eh babe? I'll just need to look harder. I know it's there somewhere.

Meanwhile, I am grateful for the 75 F degree day on the anniversary of the twins arrival into human form. I am so glad they got to have you as their Dad for so many years-they know how much you cared about their every decision, and they loved you for it. You know that.

I don't have to restate it, really, but it feels good to see it in print.

So we made it through another round of Diamond commercials, hokey holiday movies, pressie buying, card store perusing and eating too much holiday food. I decorated the house but skipped the tree; lights were strung but not enough so you could see it from outer space, and I made spritz cookies more than once.

I have found dimes twice when I really needed some solace from your arms, and that "D" in our holiday piccie cracks me up. Music and the radio coming on all by itself and etc all keep me wondering about where you are , what you are up to, if you really can watch over us at all.
Sigh. Now I know why I loved Spock all those years ago-these frigging emotions are so pesky to deal with all the time!

Next year, forget X-mas. I am taking a cruise. :P

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