Buried Treasures

Dear Dazzy,
Today, I had more than one difficult moment. OK, I had zillions.
I had a hard time sleeping after going to our friend's house last night; everyone was great and chatting about you is always helpful, but I left in tears and by the time I got to the car and drove home I was a mess.
I shouldn't have been talking ABOUT you, sweets, I should have been talking WITH you. :(

I hate all this friggin' unpredictability.

We all went to the grief counselor yesterday. I will be going for a few times by myself; kids once a month or so while they are home. I think we are reacting normally to this horrendous thing that has been forced upon us, but I wanted to make sure. We liked the therapist, she looks like my Mom and her name is Jean as well! Even the kids said she looks like Grammie, lol, so we are OK with her. I know we will all heal ourselves, but what the heck. Maybe it will be good.

Mikey had his wisdom teeth out today. He is pissed off because he can't chew any food. He doesn't care about the pain-he is HUNGRY!
Poor bugger. He'll be eating in no time, though. I know if you were here, honey, that you would be teasing him to no end about it all. :P I can just imagine you eating a juicy steak in front of Mikey, telling him how good it was, etc. Cheeky boy!

I went to Yoga. I walked an hour, hard and fast, with Smashley.
I slept like shit last night so hopefully tonight I will be more relaxed and fall asleep-and dream of you. Of us. Of love.

I was going through your long overcoat today-we were going to buy you a new one in the winter, so we would have been tossing this one anyway-and here is what it contained:

3 peppermints
5 order profiles for people at Reliable Chevy( the old job!)
Assorted busio cards with info/#'s on the back of 'em
A Kath and Kim DVD! WTF?

Anyway, because I was in the closet to tidy it up a bit, I went through the computer stuff you had in a container. It has floppy disks ( which are neither floppy nor disks; go figure out those geek-nerds ).

One said, "Daz ICQ 11/3/99-11/29/99"

Jackpot! It contains the very FIRST meeting we had via the Internet!
I cried and cried after I popped it into the a drive and read the contents. Here is just a tiny bit of that first time we signed on and said "HI"-

ICQ History Log For: 29183127 blackhawk

blackhawk 11/3/99 9:57 PM I am about to go and have some lunch
Iam working in computer art, I also love acrylic paintings
what country r u from?

blackhawk 11/3/99 9:58 PM
cool, I am from downunder (Australia)
its very nice to meet you and I'm a Dallas cowboys fan lol

blackhawk 11/3/99 10:02 PM I'm about to nick off for some lunch but will be here for another 5 mins or so

blackhawk 11/3/99 10:04 PM I love still life, I haven't painted for a little while as I am currently employed to work on computer art
What do you do for a living?


blackhawk 11/3/99 10:10 PM U sound extremely intelligent and hard working

blackhawk 11/3/99 10:12 PM Nice to meet you, but unfortunately I am starving hungry and my tummy is rumbling lol

blackhawk 11/3/99 10:13 PM yes would love too!!! take care and I'm sure we will see each other again

blackhawk 11/3/99 10:13 PM take care bye!
:)
blackhawk 11/3/99 10:14 PM see ya! :)

blackhawk 11/5/99 3:35 AM Hi there Susan
I hope that you are well????
I should be on your list now?

susan 11/5/99 7:41 AM Dear "Blackhawk," Hi! thanks for the note, maybe we can chat later...I need to figure out the time difference, etc.
Off to work now, have fun today..bye!

blackhawk 11/7/99 3:29 AM hey Susan!!:)
Call me Daz if u like, I think I am about 12 - 14 hours ahead of you, so that probably will mean when its your night time there its the middle of the day here
take care , see ya soon :)...

And so it goes. It was all so innocent when we started out eh?

Here we are, almost eight years after that first contact, that first tentative HI, that first meeting.
Wow.
We did a lot in that small amount of time honey, didn't we?

I loved every minute of every single day with you, my Aussie prince Charming. I have no idea how my life will ever be right anymore now that you have gone.

It did make me happy to find this floppy, though-I loved that what we said to one another was special enough to warrant saving. I have all of our conversations written in my heart, so I really don't have to have any of it in black and white on paper, but it's great to read it all and relive how our love was discovered and unearthed.

Like buried treasure.

Like me finding this in our closet today.

Love you, Roo-Boy. Or should I say Blackhawk? :))))

Kisses, Wifey.