Our Anniversary

Dear Dazzy,



Today is our fifth anniversary.
Five years ago, we were running around like crazy "chooks" finalizing our flowers, the cake, cases of wines and whatnot. We were filled with happiness and the promise of the day.
I remember every second of our candlelit ceremony.


We vowed to love each other no matter where in the world we both lived. You promised to love Ash and Mike as your own, and to always make my life interesting.

Indeed!

We spoke those vows with authority, clarity, and love.

We knew we were at the beginning of a wonderful adventure from the first moment we ever spoke to one another on Christmas day in 1999. We had jumped through all the hoops the INS made us jump through so you could move to the US and we could settle down into the kind of life we had chosen on purpose.

We were happy.

On the fabulous night five years ago, we danced to Van Morrison's Someone Like You.

We ate great food and talked with family and friends.

You surprised me with a sapphire necklace and a bagpiper to accompany my walk down the isle with Mr. P.

We cut the cake, took photos, laughed, kissed, and kissed some more.

We only left our wonderful reception to go to the Windsor for the night.


Love never had a better home than when it lived within the two of us, babe. I will always be happy for the time we did have. I love you-present tense-and I will continue to love you, just as I said in my wedding vows, forever.
I will not let death end our love.
It was too beautiful, too fun, too honest to ever disappear.



I will raise a glass of Jim Beam and Coke later tonight to the man that made all my dreams of love and family come true. I am so happy you married me.

I am, of course, extremely sad today as well, because today there will be:

no cake
no pressies
no cards-silly, sentimental, or mushy
no dinner out, with the small talk of two people in love
no hand-holding as we walk to the car
no kisses
no hugs
no "I love you more than ever before"
no giggling and cuddling on the couch watching late night T.V. with the dog draped over the both of us
no amazement over our good fortune at finding one another
no dreams
no plans

no more "Team Daz"...


I do , however, have a myriad of wonderful memories that will with any luck see me through this day with a bit of sanity and reverence for what we were as a couple.
I still cannot believe that I have to live a life without you, honey.

It is how it is, though, and I will promise you this-I will love you forever.
I will make you proud of my life and how I will continue to live it.
I will always honor you and the promises we made to one another, and will carry you in my heart until the end of time.

What some peole do not know is that you originally asked me to "marry you" on ICQ about three weeks into our chats, LOL
Here is the excerpt from that conversation:

susan 11/16/99 7:45 PM i need to go in about 15 mins
blackhawk 11/16/99 7:45 PM np me too its neally lunchtime:)
susan 11/16/99 7:46 PM whats for lunch today?
blackhawk 11/16/99 7:48 PM pasta,with chilly sauce topped with grated cheese
susan 11/16/99 7:49PM ok, i think i've asked enough questions tonight (or today, for you)... your turn . Ask ME one....(make it good, now....!)

blackhawk 11/16/99 7:51 PM hehehe Will you marry me?

susan 11/16/99 7:51 PM of course!

blackhawk 11/16/99 7:51 PM hehehe...was that good?
susan 11/16/99 7:52 PM yes that was great... best question i've been asked in a LONG time.... so where do we honeymoon?
blackhawk 11/16/99 7:52 PM hehehehehehehehehe :))))))))))))))))) I couldn't think of a better question to stump you with
blackhawk 11/16/99 7:53 PM hmmmmm Disneyland, Las Vegas and of course New York
susan 11/16/99 7:55 PM Ohhhh, sounds great....but what would my last name be then??? (this is so much fun...!!!)
blackhawk 11/16/99 7:55 PM wa**
susan 11/16/99 7:56 PM can you "pronounce" that for me? spell it like it sounds?
blackhawk 11/16/99 7:58 PM Wa **
susan 11/16/99 7:59 PM cool... Susan Wa**... i'll have to change the name on my checks!!! oh, and i guess i'd need to know what you like for breakfast....
susan 11/16/99 8:00 PM this is soooo twisted...but fun...
blackhawk 11/16/99 8:00 PM Hmmmmm? Porridge, weet bix , pancakes LOL

You know what honey?

Today, my memories will be enough. Love you sweets. Always.

Kisses,
Wifey