Anna Quindland, the journo, has this to say about grief:
"Grief remains one of the few things that has the power to silence us.
"A chasm in the center of who we are" is exactly how I feel most days right now.
A bit of deja vu hit and I remembered when Mikey and the band Highway 121 were filming their "last stand" before they all went off to different colleges.
Boomer slept most of the time, and Ranger hid. :)
I decided to clean out my closet-it was on my to-do list anyway-and I finished up before the boys were done. I finally had to chuck out the black ankle boots you bought me on my first trip to Oz. We went to the Victoria Market and had so much fun; you thought those boots were super cool-and they are-and made me try them on.
I went home with them to the US and wore them every chance I got :)
Since I was doing so well in my closet I moseyed on over to yours. It still smells like you, manly and warm; sometimes I simply stand in the center of your space and just breathe. It's weirdly comforting at times. Frankly I don't even care who thinks it weird. I am past worrying about what people think or say or do, especially when it comes to you and me.
Anyway, I actually got through your sock drawer today. Anyone who knows you knows how many bloody pairs of socks I had to deal with, since you would buy new ones and never throw the old ones out!
I didn't mind doing the socks. I tried the t-shirt and jeans drawers, but that didn't go so well, so I stopped. My ability to donate your other things will expand in its own time. I am simply not ready yet.
I kept two tee shirts as well as your AC/DC lounge pants and shirt.
They will be my winter PJ's :P
I also found your bow tie-the one you wore to countless opening nights, and most importantly, to our wedding five years ago. I hope Michael will wear it to HIS wedding one day. :)
Soon I was finished, and proud of myself for getting that far. I felt close to you in there today honey. That was nice in a bizarre kinda way, you know?
I planted some stuff this weekend, trimmed shrubs, painted ceilings, put up trim in the kitchen-a heap of stuff that kept me really busy. This week my car goes in to get repaired and Kath is coming for a quick visit and I am determined to clean up your workbench and garage before school rolls around on Aug 20th. I also have to fit in dentist and other checkups.
I would have normally had all this done the first two weeks I was home, but I have been so stagnant since you've been gone babe-but no more. I can feel a bit of motivation creeping under my skin again, ever so slowly, yet there just the same. I welcome it back, along with it's twin, meaning.
I miss them almost as much as I miss you, my darling hubby. My Dazzy. My best friend.
Love you, sweets!