Sunday, July 08, 2007

"If music be the food of love, play on..."

Dear Dazzy,

We have had a few full days here in Plano. Friday was counseling for me and Ash-we like going and I think it's a good outlet. I get to talk out loud about what has happened and I don't feel like I am stepping on toes or otherwise infringing on other people's time. I mean my sadness is going to be here quite a while, and I know people will get tired of hearing my shtick sooner or later. That's why therapists exist eh babe?

Anyway, Ash and I had back to back appointments and while she was in with the DR. I went to get some lunch at Macca's. Yes, I had a salad. But it was OK eating alone. I had my notebook with me, and I was just doodling when over the sound system came "Don't You (Forget About Me)". You know the song honey-from the Breakfast Club movie.

Simple Minds recorded it the year Mike and Ash were born -1985 ( thank you wikipedia)

Listening made me think about how music triggers emotions. I know I still can't listen to our wedding music Cd's or the hundreds of songs you downloaded and put into mp3's for me. They are so personal and loving that it just breaks my heart still to listen to any of them, and I know because I have tried. I thought at first they would comfort me-but they don't. Not yet, anyway. I hope one day they will, since they were made with love and affection by you, ya big softie.

I love that you loved musicals and knew so many show tunes. I also never understood how you knew all the lyrics to every 80's dance song but couldn't remember most people's birthdays!
I still wait to hear AC/DC's "Thunderstruck" or "You Shook Me All Night Long" blaring at decibel levels that are illegal in TX as you drive up the back alley and zoom into the garage with a centimeter to spare at the stop lip- EEEK!

The resounding "Honey I'm home" was a bit redundant, lol, but I loved it anyway.
I miss that heaps. I miss it all heaps. I guess it's just that I miss YOU.
Sitting at the Macca's and listening to that song I didn't cry. We didn't have history with it so it was O.K. Not like Faith Hill's "Breathe" or Van Morrison's "Someone Like You"or John Bucchino's "Grateful." I don't know if I will ever be able to listen to those songs ever again.
Now I was really paying attention to the Macca's muzak loop while I was eating my mandarin oranges and chicken and edamame. Next up was "Lil Darlin", a where-are-you ditty from the 50's. Fair enough.
Then "Boogie Nights"-aha, an 80's tune! Then Madonna's "Cherish." I have always liked the Material Girl, and you used to tell me I looked like her "only prettier," lol.
I bought it every time, because deep down I knew you really meant it! XOXOXOXOX
Even if it wasn't true, LOL

It was good to be out int the sunshine-FINALLY after three weeks(!) of TX rain-and just being out and about was good. It was the Maccas that we had sat in many times before, the one up by the old townhouse that we moved into on New Year's Eve in 2002 , where we lived until we bought this house in 2005.
I looked around at what a familiar place it was and could literally see you and I at one of the booths, having salads and splitting french fries late on a Friday or Sat-day just being goofy and silly and talking about our day. I remember me giving you a hard time about drinking soda and how your compromise was to drink the DIET version, :P

I smiled at the happy memories I could conjer up in such a ubiquitous place as a corner MickeyD's. Then I realized that it doesn't matter where I am , that you-and the memories of you- are always with me. That made me happy is a very small way, but happy nonetheless.

You and I both love/loved music. It was on in the car, when we did anything aorund the house, when we traveled. The kids are famous for it as well, and between us all we know more song lyrics and bands than most people ever sample in a lifetime. It conneted with both of us especially when we were living on opposite ends of the earth in Plano and Box Hill North. You would always take me in your arms and dance me around the lounge room, lol, sometimes very badly but hey it was the thought that counts rights?
Music was , as Shakespeare said, our " of love..."

I will keep playing our cd's every once in a while and hope that the anguish that rushes into my soul when I hear one of "our" songs will eventually be replaced by the comfort of possibly seeing you once again when this amazing life of mine is done.
Until then, as Simple Minds once sang,

Won't you come see about me?

I'll be alone, dancing you know it baby
Tell me your troubles and doubts

Giving me everything inside and out

Love's strange so real in the dark

Think of the tender things that we were working on
Slow change may pull us apart

When the light gets into your heart, baby

Don't You

Forget About Me
Don't Don't Don't Don't

Don't You Forget About Me

Will you stand above me?

Look my way, ever love me

Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling
Down, down, down

Will you recognise me?

Call my name or walk on by

Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling

Down, down, down, down...

Love you Dazzy. Always.
Kisses, Wifey

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