Hope

Dear Dazzy,

Wow. After a day like yesterday, I had no where to go but up, right babe?

And I did. I made phone calls for Dr checkups( fat lot of good they do GRRRR don't get me started on Drs...) and washed/waxed my car and did some yard work.

I did the Times crossword and some more garage clean-up and as a result I found the chargers for the drill and hedge clippers batteries! WooHoo!

Whether in the garage or in life, success is sometimes measured in small, small increments.

Of course, I also walked Boomie twice and finally ordered Ranger a doggie stroller! ( it's blue)

Now THAT will be a sight to see this fall: me, walking one zinger of a mutt and pushing a doggie-pram with a 14 yr old geezer at the same time, LOL

Poor Ranger wants to go walk with us every day, but between his age and the heat he only makes it to the corner before he gives out.

Remember when you and I would walk around the park every night after diner?

We would take Ranger-you always called him "the baby," LOL-and we'd walk him on the leash until he would just sit down and quit. He usually made it halfway.

We knew his arthritis was acting up, so you would hoist him over your shoulder-just like a toddler-and we would finish our walk. We even put him in the baby swing at the park!

He enjoyed it, the silly thing. Or was it you and I that were being silly?

No matter. We liked silliness. You thrived on dishing it out :P

Thanks for that honey. I liked it more than you may have known.

So today I also had my hair done and on the way home realized you would not be telling me how great it looked when I got in the door. :( Same thing with the manicure/pedicure and all the other upkeep I did por moi.

It feels great and looks good but like everything else it falls flat somehow.

My life feels very two-dimensional in a three-dimensional world. I will need your art skills to help me with this one honey. Hope you can do it ASAP!

Tomorrow I will FINALLY be really, really, really finished with the kitchen renos.

My part at least-Just some paint/stain touch up and then I just need the electrician to put in some box extenders so I can put on the switchplates and VOILA it will be done.

You'd be proud of it sweets.

It's noiiice. It's unusewal, it different...LOL gotta love Kath and Kim.

They will be back for another season.

Can't believe you won't be watching it with me when Andrew send us the DVD.

Their wedding episode was on the week before our real wedding; it was so damn funny!

We were all at the house on Second Avenue that Thursday night, having a blast-we nearly threw up we all laughed so hard. It's still one of my fave episodes out of all the seasons, mostly because it was such a great time in our soon-to be-married life.

All our friends were there along with the kids; even Arnie the dog was sprawled on the floor while we watched it.

I remember thinking at the time how I could not wait to be your wife, and have you as my hubby.

"Forever, " we vowed that Sunday night. We meant it, too.

You know honey, I still consider myself married.

I don't feel single at all, even though I am very much alone.

I certainly hate the label of "widow;" its sounds old and decrepit and lonely.

Ok so I am two out of three :P but I bet decrepit is on its way...

But the word itself sounds so harsh to my ears.

I winder if it's because of what society says a widow should be, do, act like?

Or is it because I want to vehemently refuse to accept what it stands for?

Hard call, but it's probably both. Ya reckon?

I have been a widow for 124 days now. Hard to fathom that I have spent that many days and nights without your kisses, your touch, your love.

Honestly I don't know what drives me most days.

This living without you is so damn hard and seems so utterly pointless.

You and I were nothing if not optimists, however, so I cling to the hope that

the kids and I may find some degree of happiness in our futures.

“Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without words, and never stops at all.”

Thank you Emily D. I'll be looking for it everywhere.

Night, honey.

Love you much!

Kisses, Wifey