Friday, September 07, 2007


Dear Dazzy,
Fin-a-freakin-ally! Ok, so it was not a dream with you in it babe-I am still waiting for that one-but I have dreamt only once since you aren't sleeping beside me anymore.

And that would be no dreamtime in 140 days, my love-20 weeks today.
Twenty weeks.
Twenty goddamn , lonely sad filled weeks.

So, what was my dream about? A was murky water, and two women-I have no CLUE who they were; very nondescript in shorts and tank tops in our bathroom, lol, and me complaining about the yucky water-it was like mud-and getting the stuff out to fix the drain, unclog it all, etc. They said they would help me-but I was doing it myself...does not take a rocket scientist to figure out the symbolism here eh?

Here is what I found from a dream interpretation site:
To dream that you are taking a bath, signifies a cleansing of your outer and inner self and a washing away of difficult times. This dream may also be symbolic of ridding yourself of old ideas, notions, opinions, and other negativities. Your dream may be pointing toward forgiveness and letting go.

To see water in your dream, symbolizes your unconscious and your emotional state of mind. Water is the living essence of the psyche and the flow of life energy.
It is also symbolic of spirituality, knowledge, healing and refreshment.

To see muddy or dirty water in your dream, indicates that you are wallowing in your negative emotions. You may need to devote some time to clarify your mind and find internal peace. Alternatively, it suggests that your thinking/judgment is unclear and clouded.

Wow...ya think?

I like the part that I was attempting to fix/clean/take care of it all.
That's a good sign.
Now if it were simply as easy as using the plunger, lol, I'd have it made!

Today was not my worst day- and we all know how difficult Fridays are for me still...
I am done with my antibiotics( YEA) and that dizzy side effect is gone-YEA again-and I am looking forward to a weekend of sunny days and long dog walks; painting a ceiling or two and a movie/dinner with another teacher/long-ago widow tomorrow night. It's the Angelika and Thai food. Only weird thing is YOU will not be sitting on my right, babe...sigh.

I am sadly and slowly getting used to you not being here. I ache and yearn and cry and wonder and in the end you are still gone from my arms, my bed, my life. After a while I guess the brain takes over for the heart and one either moves on and enjoy what's here or mopes around thinking of what was snatched from the heart.Choices. It's all about choices.

After all, everything-whether it's good or bad-ends. EVERYTHING.

What a hard lesson to learn. Makes me want to be like painter Paul Gauguin, and chuck it all and move to a tropical Isle. Live and eat and paint and soak up the sun.
Gauguin ended up in Tahiti.

I'd sure be happy in 'stralia!

Although, being there without YOU, Sir Dazzles, will really suck.
I am dreading the moment I get into Tullemarine in MEL and I scan the crowd and your beautiful green eyes won't be searching for me; you won't be waving with one hand while the other holds a cappuccino, all the while your NY Yankees cap is tilted at just the right angle so the sun doesn't make you squint in the early morning Oz daylight...ah, the memories of my last visit to the land downundah.

Can it really be five years ago already?

Time. What a friggin' concept.

Off to bed for me and the boys now-Boomie and Rangie-and maybe, just maybe, another dream-maybe even starring you, honey. Maybe.

Love you Dazzy. Always.
Kisses, Wifey.

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