The Lyrics and Music of Life

"There You'll Be" by Faith Hill

When I think back
On these times
And the dreams
We left behind
I'll be glad 'cause
I was blessed to have you in my life
When I look back
On these days
I'll look and see your face
You were right there for me

[Chorus:]
In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
And everywhere I am
There you'll be

Well you showed me
How it feels
To feel the sky
Within my reach
And I always
Will remember all
The strength you
Gave to me
Your love made me
Make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me

[Repeat chorus]

'Cause I always saw in you
My light, my strength
And I want to thank you
Now for all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
For always

[Chorus:]
In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
There you'll be

Not sure why I thought of this song tonight babe-maybe it the promise of cooler weather; the autumn finally nesting itself in the trees and bringing about the changes that are inevitable this time of year.


When the leaves begin to change, I think of the twins when they were little and the way they would pick what character they wanted to be for Halloween and what their birthday party theme to be ( one can never plan to early for a December birthday party, LOL) and Christmas lists and where we would be having Thanksgiving and all that jazz. This year is no different; I thought of all of that today when I drove home with the top down on the Sebring and I didn't sweat, LOL.





Of course, nothing really is the same anymore without you, babe, but we are adjusting. I know for me, inch by inch, piece by piece-one minute at a time-my emotional being undergoes repair. I am sure when all is said and done my heart and soul will not be unlike Mary Shelly's Frankenstein; somewhat still human, patched together with remnants of life itself.


Sort of like a weird Victorian crazy-quilt, with seams that are too thick in some places and too thin in others. Hopefully it will hold up against the coming winter of my mourning.





I went to therapy yesterday-always a good thing-and tonight I walked the dogs in the crisp evening air, took out the trash, cleaned up around the house-you know, stuff I always do.


I went food shopping, too-still the bane of my existence-but tonight I didn't cry.


Amazing eh?


I knooooooooooooooooow!( said in my very best Valley girl imitation)





The cooler weather brings that awareness that you and I will not be cuddling up again anytime soon, and that unless I teach Boomie or Rangie how to turn on the electric mattress heater I better start remembering to do that, too. I don;lt need it just yet, but the day will come in November for sure.





I know with the holidays breathing down my neck that I will have some awful days ahead.


It's not something I am avoiding, because if I duck my head in the sand now it will only come back to bother me later.





That much I have certainly learned about grief and mourning.





I don't want that. I want to embrace my mourning, deliberately shake its hand send it off and be done with it. Like you, honey, I hate waiting ! I hate the pessimism, the utter despair, the loneliness even when I am surrounded by people.





It sucks, as the kids would say. Big time.





Now, though, some days are like today's weather-perfect temperature, fluffy white clouds, and sunshine that doesn't laser your skin, just warms it enough to make you feel good. I am maing my lists of things to do and I am even doing some things just for me-Spanish lessons at school and massages when $$$ and time permit.





I feel like I am waitng for something but I don't know just what. I know I will see you again when my days here are through, but as long as I HAVE days to spend on this Earth I want to do that in a place I love, and with people I adore. I know Texas will not be my last home. I am sorry it was yours. I always looked forward to the veranda at the house in Box Hill being our old rocking chair place.





I will not dweel on that thought anymore tonght, though. You are gone and not coming back. Whats a sad thought, babe. But for me to move forward, I have to accept that idea every second I am alive. I'm working on it honey. I know I'll conquer it in the end. Here's to hard work, moving on, and honoring memories.





Love you Dazzles. Always.


Kisses, Wifey.