Saturday, November 03, 2007


Dear Dazzy,

Oh, honey...eight years ago tonight, NOVEMBER 3,1999-at about this very time, 10:45 Central/USA-we said HI for the very first time via ICQ.

I had come home from a movie with KathUSA, but I wasn't tired. I had ICQ newly installed on my computer. I fooled around with the chat feature and found a few things to check out-

I picked Australia because I figured the people there spoke English.
Little did I know! LOL

Then I narrowed it down to people in their 30's...didn't need to be chatting to some snot-nosed tennybopper type.

I found your screen name-Blackhawk- in a list of people that were online at the same time as moi. Next thing I know is I am reading a profile of a person who says they are into "Low-fat cooking, 18th century art, and works at home as a Graphic Artist in Computers."

So after I sent you a hesitant "Hi", you took over the conversation and had me add you to my friends list and you added me and we were off and running! We never stopped talking.
Even now, I keep talking to you in this blog, out loud at home like a crazy woman, and in my head when something serendipitous happens since you have gone on.

Sometimes I feel like you are not that far away.
I get this calm, peaceful feeling like all is right with the world, and I know I'll come out of this sadness one day.
Other days?
Well, lets just say those days are still rough to navagate.

Tonight, though, the kids are home for the weekend. I took them and Dave out to eat, and we had such a good time! We raised a glass to you, my wonderful hubby, and joked that you were squished in the booth with us all. We came home and, game geeks that we are, played Scrabble.

Guess who won? :P

We laughed so much tonight-Dave and Mike and Smashley have that seam weird, warped sense of humor that you had, babe. It's great. I know your influence has definitely rubbed off on them. Wait- I'm not sure if thats a good thing or not, LOL, LOL, LOL

I remember you and I chatting for just a short while that first night/day because you had to go "nick off" for some lunch. You said you'd be back soon...and you were. It was so much fun to talk to you, honey. It wasn't long before we were swapping photos, videos, ideas about where this crazy internet relationship was going. It was fun and new and exciting and oh-so-meant-to-be.

How could we have known the path out lives would take that night after we simply said "Hi?"
If we had known that everything would change midstream-would we still have jumped in with both feet and no net?
I'd like to think we would both answer, "YES!"
I'd back up my decision by saying that I know our love will never die, it will simply go on and change just as it has these past eight years.
The biggest diffference is that you'll have to wait for me to finish up here on Earth, honey.

I needed a good day today. The last few have sucked.
Halloween was Ok, but I was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sad that you were not here in the flesh for your fave holiday.
Not a good day at all.

Then I got sucker-punched with Friday. It was Career Day at school-OUCH.
You have been with me in my classroom for the past five years doing you Art schpiel; this year was awful, awful, awful without you babe.
I held back tears all day; when the Lawyer that was speaking to our group told about how he chose to be a Lawyer over an Airline Pilot because he'd have more time at home wtih his family-GRRRRRR.
I almost had to leave. Surely you were proud of me that I stuck it out.
It was damn hard to do though, let me tell ya. I saved my tears for the car ride home.

We also studied about Dia De Los Muertos ( Day of the Dead) at school on Thursday; it's a rememberance holiday for families and their loved ones. I bought you flowers, honey, and lit a candle and talked to you for a bit after I got home that night. I watched the very first video you ever sent me, and I cried and laughed all at the same time. It was sad, but OK, if that makes any sense.

I took the last Foster's out of the fridge and I had a toast or three to you :P

So today I look back and marvel at what the universe gave us for much too short a time.
A love that was honest, not perfect-but close; a love that was equal, not judgemental; a love that was true and joyful and right.
I will always be thankful that you were my husband, my lover, my friend. Always.

This song by Van Morrison was our wedding song. It fits how we felt after a short while, and it still fits today. I really did search the world for someone exactly like you. How lucky was I to have found what I was looking for!

For you, Dazzles-from me...

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