Thursday, November 22, 2007

Football and Turkey and it's COLD!

Dear Dazzy,

Freezing Temps! Great food! The Cowboys Won! ( Love that Melbourne boys kicked for BOTH teams today; I know you were watching on the sidelines, weren't ya babe?)

Another Thanksgiving in the W household.

Its quieter now, the game is over, my Dad and sister have packed up with their leftovers, and the kids and I are looking for a pay-per-view movie to watch.

It's not unlike many years ago, when I was divorced and did the whole shebang by myself.

Except this year I am so keenly aware of your absence, honey.

No one to help me taste test everything.

No one to help wash and dry the zillion pots and pans and whatever I use when I throw myself into Martha-Mode.

No Happy Thanksgiving card, no flowers from you-I bought some myself, yesterday- quite simply, no Daz.

We really missed your hosting abilities today babe. You of the tribe bartender-extraordinaire.
You would welcome everyone in and put a drink in their hands before they knew what hit them.Making small talk, you would genuinely inquire about their lives.
It was hard for me to do that today.

I was sad through my soul.

Still am.

But I didn't have a meltdown-although at 7 PM it IS still early, LOL-and we all talked about you a fair bit.

We lit the candle in that squirrel candle holder that I bought that made me think of you.

I sat in your chair!

I didn't plan on that but it just felt right at the time.

Talk was subdued and the dogs were our entertainment as Boomer had his first taste of turkey and stuffing...I think he said "That's YUMMY, Mum!" in dogspeak.

I want to go to sleep for the next month and never see another frigging Christmas ad.
The jewelery ones are the hardest. Every piece I own is from you. I still wear them all, some every day.

I never thought I would ever hate Christmas time.
I will have to work really hard to get through this holiday season.
Hope you can help me out there a bit babe.

Not sure HOW that could be, but I'll take whatever you can throw my way, Dazzy :P

I was happy to fall asleep in a house where kids and dogs were roaming around last night. It got chilly and we needed the down comforters. I miss your warmth, heating up the bed so that I was always comfy. Boomer will have to be your stand in from now on. At 50 lbs he still has a way to go...

I did have a good sleep however-Boomsy let us all sleep in till 8!

But I had a bunch of dreams...

None of them contained you, per se, but they were all about you.

First, I dreamt that Britney Spears wanted you to do a voice over in her new video...but I had to tell her that you were gone forever from this Earthly plain. In the dream she was sad, like me, but then told me to find someone who could do it!

Then it was off to Oz , with Russell Crowe, riding around the outback in the back of a jeep-me wondering why I wasn't tired after a long plane flight and him wanting to know when you were joining me...again I had to say the words "sorry, he can't come , he's passed away..."

I remember Russell had a t-shirt with a photo of his wife and kids and I told him he was very lucky to have a family and he said he knew that...

When I woke up it was all easily remembered, and I figure that the part of my brain that controls acceptance of horrid, terrible life events has once again kicked into gear. It has lain dormant for nearly ten years, from when my Mom passed away in May of 1998.

Funny that it came on Thanksgiving.

Actually, it was more of a cruel joke to me at first, but now I am beginning to understand.

I love you Dazzy. Always.

Kisses, Wifey.

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