Blackhawk

Dear Dazzy,

Hope you like all the winter-hardy flowers I planted in our pots our front, honey.
I had a good time doing that in the unbelievably mild temps we had today ( another day of 78 degrees; wild for DEC here).

Boomer went off to Zen Den today so I could get some things accomplished without him underfoot and looking at me with those big brown moon eyes, pleading like a two year old to play with him, walk him, be his buddy.

You would have been his buddy for

sure, Dazzles!
I can see you sometimes in my mind's eye,

wrestling with this big goofy boofhead of a dog, head-butting him and even teaching him tricks , etc.

I bet he would listen to you on the first take with that booming,
basso voice that you commanded, babe.

I didn't get to hear that great voice of yours until you called me for the first time on Christmas morning in December of 1999. As soon as I did hear it though, I was hooked :)))))))

I still am, to a point. I can see/hear you on our videos/dvds and your greeting is still on our phone, but I don't need them to replay that first "G'day, Gorgeous" that was spoken to me at 7 AM on Chrissie Morn 8 years ago.
It was the best prezzie I got that year!

What I wouldn't give to hear it again.

When I got in the car today, first thing, I heard the Outback Steakhouse commercial,

followed by ACDC's "You Shook Me All Night Long."

After that I put on NPR.

Tonight, after planting and chores and shopping and whatnot, I went to the gas station to

( Ok, OK, PETROL...LOL) fill up and put air in my car's tires. They are forecasting rain and with it a BIG cold front, so I wanted to get those chores out of the way before that nonsense starts.

I like going later at night, because almost no one is there and if I have to run into the grocery store that's around the corner I am pretty much guaranteed an empty-ish store and no lil kids.

I figured I might as well get my baking stuff for tomorrow while I was out so off to Tom Thumb grocery it was. I got the items on my small list, then had to run the gauntlet past all the X-mas goodies to get to a register. I slowed up a bit at one long display table to look at a snow globe that caught my eye-It was plain silver, with a single silver snowflake inside.

I picked it up and shook it :)

There is something very calming about looking at the "snow" swirl around in a snow globe.
Mesmerizing and peaceful.
I can hear the hushed quiet of gentle winter clouds releasing their contents upon all the neighborhood houses, treetops and lawns. I can close my eyes and feel the feathery flakes as they flick across my face, instantly melting when they come into contact with my skin. I hear the crunch-crunch-crunch of footfalls as the snow accumulates...

I shook the snow globe again.

All the while that I was in the grocery I had that melancholy that arrives whenever I go someplace that you and I frequented. I surely sighed a few times as I gathered my purchases around the store, silently wishing you were still here with me, with us, with the living.

I put that thought away as quickly as possible.

As I held the globe, I turned over the bright red tag to see what it cost-and there in bold black and white were not only the price, but the words:

Blackhawk Manufacturing!

I HAD to smile.

Back when we first said "HI" to one another via ICQ, your screen name of "Blackhawk" told me that you were an action movie guy, a history buff, and a man's man-before I ever got to really talk with you. I think I stopped at that name on that ICQ list because it sounded so manly :P

So imagine how I felt when I saw that tonight. Blackhawk, indeed!

Some people call them signs; I think they are reminders that you are around in a way we can't possible fathom, and the synchronicity in the way that I -or anyone who misses you, honey-come across these things is both comforting and sad. It's surely a nice thought that you can maybe check in on us, sort of saying hi or whatever, but it doesn't bring the promise of you coming back, either.

In fact, they sort of drive home the point that you are truly gone from this realm.

I'll take them for what they do for me, however-they makes me think of you still loving me, even from beyond the cosmos.

Since that's all I have now, that will have to be enough.

Even though it's not.

Love you, Dazzy. Always.

Kisses, Wifey