Sunday, January 20, 2008

MLK Day 2004 NYC

Create Your Own

Dear Dazzy,
Today, on the nine month anniversary of your death, I am reminiscing about our trip to NYC back in 2004, on MLK weekend-what a good time we had! It was the coldest week the NY region had seen in 30 years-and it snowed, to boot-that made the Aussie boy in you so very happy. We ate lots of great pizza, saw a few films under production, went to Mama Rose's Cabaret to see two friends of yours-Hayden, who sang, and Les, your friend who produces cabaret acts-and we simply had a blast.

I smile through my tears today. Not sure how or why; maybe becasue I haven;t been alone since Friday with the kids and/or friends. Everything on TV is Aussiefied-The Australian Open from Melbourne, the new Aussie chick on Exteme Home Makeover, saw Jindabyne, the movie, last night; Outback commercials are on here daily and the travel channel did Kakadu National Park this morning.

Australia is calling to me.

Sometimes I think if I just go there I will find you :P

(Note to anyone reading this and becoming alarmed-I know I really WON'T find my darling hubby in the airport crowd when I step off the plane in June; I do have some grip on reality. However, some of Dazzy's friends think the same whacko thing about coming to the USA!
Glad to know I am not alone in my weirdness.)

While I was taking with Andrew, I was sorting pix on the computer for this post, and the TV went out during the football game-not really out/off, but the channel changed, the set box reset itself, and after a few minutes it all settled down.It is not lost on me that it was about half past four when this all happened-the offical time of your leaving this Earth.


I found and imported heaps of photos today-they were all on CDS, but they are from your computer in Oz, and we just never put them all on to this hard drive. I am so proud of myself for figuring that out today-technology is really becoming my friend these days :P You'd be PROUD, honey! Bet you already are, eh?

So now its cold( like 8 C/45 F )and dark and we just had chicken and potatoes; footy is still going on and the dogs are begging for any scraps we may have.I am busy with my writing and the house stuff and the kids and the dogs but my heart still has such longing for you I am not sure how to stand it.

Nine months.
Maybe the birth of my new life can now begin?
Even though it is one I never wanted, I know that it has to be.

Remember on Star Trek Deux, what the character of Picard used to say every week?
"Make it so..."
Think I can, babe?
I might need your help for quite a while , though.
Your help these days may be limited to watching over me spiritually, but I believe that that could be the most important thing.

To encapsulate almost everything written about the way of Zen: in the fullness and eternity of the present moment, all boundaries fall away.

Believing that, I can let the boundaries "fall away" between where you are and where I am , physically, and still find happiness, encouragement, and even strength in the light of our love.

That love is so evident when I look not only at our NYC trip photos, but at any photo of us.
We wear goofy grins, there is no daylight to be found between our bodies,and we gaze at the camera with a confidence that says love never had a better home than within the two of us.

You may have passed on to the next realm, my sweet, but our love can cross that bridge.
Time and space mean nothing to it. I carry it always in my heart.

Missing you goes without saying.
I will speak your name as I drift off to sleep every night for all the days yet to come that see me draw a breath.

Love you, Dazzy. Always.
Kisses, Wifey

1 comment:

Patti said...

I just had to stop and say hi! I'm an Aussie too. I found your link via 'the Happiness Project'. Alas, I have no advice on grief. I guess it is something that you learn to live with over time. I'm am sorry that you lost your man when you are both so young.

You may think I'm crazy, but I talk to my Dad, who died many years ago, often, and I know he is around by the little things that happen some days, that have his own brand of humour stamped on them. He actually makes be laugh and smile! Have you found this too?