Saturday, February 16, 2008

Philosophy of Dogs

"'Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole" Roger Caras

This vid clip stars Arnie Schwartzadoggie, LOL, Daz's wonderful Bull Mastiff cross-a beast almost as big as me; when I first met Arnie, we weighed nearly the same thing pound for pound! Arnie only lived about 8 years; sadly he had to be put down right before Daz moved to the US .

I am not 100% sure if dogs have souls or if they go into the beyond like humans do when they pass over, but if they do, my Dazzy and his beloved Arnie are going for "walks" and "car rides" ad infinitum.

The rest of the video is Daz in the gym; listen to the song playing in the background-it's Faith Hill's Breathe; a song that had so much meaning to us-it was truly one of "our" songs for many reasons. It carries with it an emotion that touches my soul. These days, it's very hard to listen too-and I never noticed that it plays on the radio at the gym where Daz and Brent were filming ( cue the twilight zone music here)until I got the VID to DVD back from the camera store.

Dear Dazzy,

Tonight is a dreary, rainy Saturday here in Tx. It's been storming since yesterday; tonight it's calmned down a bit, but it's still very wet outside. This means that Boomer and I haved played fetch with the green football for the better part of a rental movie( Holiday, with Jude Law and Camaron Diaz and Kate Winslet, not a bad flick)up and down the hallway( couch to Mikey's room and then 'round the living room then back to the couch)while Rangie snuggles in the faux fur blankie. I am happy to have their daggy butts in the house with me,though, especially on nights where I am achingly alone.

I have two friends who are out of town tonight and one sick as a dog( sorry couldn't resist). The rest are "coupled" and I hate being that fifth wheel, so it's a rental night for me. Sometimes I do a movie alone, but the weather sucks, and I am happy to nest here in the MelYork.

While I went back and forth editing this lil vid snippet, uploading, etc., all I could think of is how much I miss talking with you. In the movie, Diaz's character actually says to Law's character, " I can't believe I met a guy who talks as much as me!" I couldn't believe that when I heard it!That's exactly what I said to you about 8 years ago. You agreed and we both laughed.

People who know/knew us as a couple are shaking there heads in agreement right about now, LOL

We also are dog people. The pooches in our lives were/are loved and loving. When I think that I cannot possibly cry another tear, Boomer will bring me something to throw or cross his paws while sitting on the edge of the couch and crack me up. Ranger will give Boomie the evil eye and make me get involved, LOL, distracting me from my sad spell. I say "g'night boys" every time I shut the light after I am in bed at night, and I know that you understand that I mean all three of you...

I went to the bookstore and Target and TomThumb today. I had no one with me to chat to about the weather, the spring clothes showing up in the stores, the Easter candy lining the grocery store aisles already, the Philosophy book I bought, or whether or not we needed paper towels (we did).

I sometimes feel like I live on Planet Widow; invisible to mortals, we widows and widowers are really the ghosts in our lives, not our loved ones who have passed away. We are sad and lonely more times than not, and no well meaning outsider really gets it. We do too many things alone, and some are afraid that they will catch what we have. We cry at the drop of a hat and let housework slide and have peanut butter and jelly with a beer chaser for dinner because we say to ourselves, "What's the point?"

The weird thing? The dogs somehow know when I need to be cheered up. They just know. They sit with me on the couch, always touching me (-another thing I miss so very much- your touch, whether holding my hand during a movie, or smoothing my hair in the car when the top was down; all those little PDA's that said "I love you" in the shorthand of our relationship-)always ready to snuggle up with me. I am happy to have them here with me, and I think the feeling is reciprical.

So tomorrow I am off to see Smashley perform, and I still havent done the dishes or hung up my lcean clothes; I have brownies to make to bring with me and flowers to buy and some get well food to bring to Mikey ( sinus infection....yukko). It will be a full-on day, and it will be great to see the kids, and see Ash do her thing, yet I know I will shed a few tears during some part of the day simply because its yet another family "thing" that you will only be there in spirit for.

Good thing those daggy larrikin dogs will be waiting for me when I pull into the garage tomorrow night...

Love you Dazzy. Always.

Kisses, Wifey.

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