Monday, July 21, 2008

Austin! Mama Mia...

Dear Dazzy,

In light of all that has happened to our family, I try now and just seize the moment a little more-not like we didn't before your passing, but we planned a bit more and were not as spontaneous due to jobs, kids, dogs, etc.

So when the chance presented itself for me to go visit Kath USA this weekend in Austin, I didn't just say "yeah, OK," I said, "HELL YEAH!" It was that kind of mini-vacation with the right person that helped clear my head and made me feel almost normal again, whatever my new normal is...still working ont that one.

We had great burgers, gelatto, and Mexican food. We walked throughout the neighborhood, went antiquing, drove downtown to sight see, and just enjoyed being able to talk and eat and linger over our discussions.

We also had a lot of fun going to see the movie, "Mama Mia!" It was a hoot. It was funny and silly and uplifting( if a bit implausible) and different somewhat than the stage play, but it was endearing just the same.

While ABBA was cute in their time, it's funny how some of those old '80's lyrics are very relevant today. This song is one of my faves from back then, and very appropo for me in my days without you now. I now "believe in Angels"-indeed.

Angels like you, babe-my Aussie Angel. (Yes, I still have the card that you signed that way...)

Song lyrics | I Have A Dream lyrics

I needed this short break, especially after my jaunt to Australia-which was fabulous and heartbreaking at the same time-and now I am once again home in our MelYork abode, ready to eat brekkie and feed and walk the dogs, and on to the next thing on my never ending list of things to do/accomplish/experience-and it's all good.

I think a lot of what boosted my mood was being engaged with other adult humans, LOL. Sometimes here my other friends outside of school have jobs without my summer vacation perks, and that means we do things on weekends only.

That's OK, I have time for house stuff and writing, but before the fall settles in
I will do my literacy volunteering stuff. ( how can the Grand Final and your birthday and Halloween be creeping up so soon, and how can they be on their way knowing YOU are not here to enjoy it all with us? Time really IS another name for death isn't it, sweets...) This will keep me engaged with other adults as well as my friends. Should be a win-win there eh, honey?

This week will see me -drum roll, please-finishing the side garden, washing/detailing the car, taking my Dad to the Dr for his ongoing "stuff," movie with MaryLou and lunch with Barb and writing and working out and who knows what else! My next "project" that I can afford to do (and that I can do some of on my own)is the crown molding down the hallway and in the little bathroom. It will look nice when that's finished, and I know you'll be proud of me, honey, using the mitre saw like a pro :P

I miss you heaps, babe. You know that. I always will. I like these "up" times because I can see a life for me and the kids that is a happy one, albeit one that doesn't include your physical presence-but will always include your spirit. Your love for us still surrounds us, I can still feel you here, and I know you will always be there.

Maybe that's why I have this calm about traveling all over now that I didn't have this past year-I know that I really do carry you with me, in my heart, everywhere I go. Maybe THAT'S the key to being one with grief-that Zen like position of just leaning into it, rolling with the punches, and righting oneself again.

It all comes from the heart, doesn't it, Dazzy?
The mind just overthinks and jumbles it all up with knots of logic, which never can be untied.

In that light, I love this idea of this Abba song-that I still have a song, a dream, a life to live-even if its a bit out of tune and a tad unfinised; I am making progress, and that's what counts, right babe?

Love you Dazzy-Always.
Kisses, Wifey.

No comments: