Friday, August 01, 2008


Click on the Pic/ Quote by Rumi:
"Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really are..."

Dear Dazzy,

Wow babe-how did it get to be August already????
I swear it feel like just last week that I was on OZ with friends eating a pie floater with a lammington chaser, LOL

Now it's the month that sees horrid temps
( like 103 tomorrow? YIKES)and in 17 days-another school year begins.

This will be my SECOND one to start without you coming home from work asking me about the newest kids in my classes; the second one without flowers from you on my desk before that first bell rings; the second one in which I have to hear about everyone else's summer vacations/time off spent with their husbands/wives/significant others...sigh.

I cried last year when I had to listen to all of that.
I cried when we had to break into groups and tell about ourselves to the newbies. Pretty sure I'll do the same thing this year, because no matter how much time ever goes by, I STILL miss you, Dazzy. I know I always will.

I won't sob like I did last year, though; I know a few tears will escape the gravitational pull of my emotions, for sure, but with a bit of luck it will be O.K. I look forward to teaching my retuning kids and the newbies as well. It will be a grand year for learning., that I know as well!

July was a blast-I went to Kath's for a bit, and she just left this morning from a few day's stay at chez MelYork. Our visits are so good for the soul-I still wish she lived here in P-ville. I miss her heaps, too. We did the movies twice, Tarjaaaaaa, our fave lil store, lol, and watched reality Tivo.
We walked dogs and had a good time doing things together.
We talk everyday still, so we don't have to "catch up", but just going and trying on new clothes etc at the same time was fun.


When we came home from one move-"Tell No One" a great thriller about ( of course) a widower who is accused of his wife's murder-I was thinking out loud, talking to you, honey, about the plot twist of the wife not really being dead a after an eight year stretch-its convoluted but worked perfectly in the film. The end shot, when the hubby and wifey see each other again, and it's in the flesh-well, you can imagine how I was feeling. As I was wishing that that could happen to moi, I heard music-very faint, but music still the same. I though maybe I had left the radio on, but nope, that was off completely. It wasn't coming from Mikey's room, or even from the TV.

FINALLY-I tracked it down. It was my MP3 player, which I keep in my pocketbook. It's all by itself, in a lil makeup bag thingy; funny thing is I haven't turned it on in weeks.

Taking it out, I realized it was playing these lines from Del Shannon's

"Sea of Love" :

Do you remember when we met?
That's the day I knew you were my pet
I want to tell you how much I love you

Wow. I just stood there, put the ear piece in and listened for a minute, then turned it off. It made me cry, but that was OK. I felt you close by. I tell no one ( except for those who read here) because some people don;t believe in "signs" or in the healthiness of my believing in such signs.

I don't care, I know what I feel. Thanks honey-that was very, very good timing, :P

Ash performs all this weekend-tonight, two shows tomorrow, one on Sunday-she will be a tired puppy come Monday morning, your lil Smashley. But trooper that she is, she will do a marvelous job, and I cannot wait to see her dance tomorrow! I know you will be there in her thoughts all weekend as well, honey. That's a given.

Mikey and I will be up to no good today-LOL-just chillin' and looking through his Italia pix; he still has a bit of jet lag almost a week later but he's getting there. I love all the references to OZ that he encountered whilst in Italy-you are still a cheeky thing Dazzy, aren't you? :)

So August has rolled in with thunder, lightning, and clouds-but no rain; two eclipses will take place this month- one solar, one lunar; the star that we named for you-in the constellation Pavo, the Peacock-is visibly brighter, on its way to its best showing in late September-your birthday month-and I am settling into the thought of yet another season of the heart without you by my side.

The rollicking up of the heavens seems to match the turmoil I feel of leaving behind yet another summer and reluctantly going into autumn.
Last year at this time I was totally numb.
This year I am much more observant and knowing within my emotions.
I will take that ability as a good thing and count it as a positive step forward.

In the Finnish language, August is called Elokuu, meaning "month of reaping" or literally, "month of life".

My August wish for every widow/er, or any person suffering through a loss:
Here's to a month of living, of finding some measure of peace in our hearts through good deeds, quiet reflection looking up at the stars, or whatever works for you.
'Soon enough, the summer will be gone, and we will be father up the road on the grief journey, time dragging us along whether we want it to or not.

I like the idea, though, of a month of LIFE-so here's to August.
Enjoy as best you can.
You too, Dazzles-I always wonder what you are getting up to in the next incarnation of "this amazing life-"

Love you, Dazzy. Always.

Kisse, Wifey.

No comments: