Friday, December 19, 2008

Home for the Hoildays

Dear Dazzy,

After being held captive at school until 4:45, I finally was allowed to go- and I did! LOL
We can't go home until grades are verified, ya know, but oh yeah, if you gave a test in your last period of the day and you got your paperwork in earlier than most, well then it sat at the bottom of the pile now, didn't it?

HMMMMM...I like to think that I can learn to work smarter, not harder, so NEXT TIME, I am holding all my grading till the last minute-and plopping it down on the TOP of the pile!

There has to be a better way to get grades verified. Since it changes every year, it's never a done deal at a decent time. This year was ridiculous to say the least.

So now it's officially the "Holiday Season" for us. Kids are home, dogs are confused, I have run way too many errands this week that I normally don't have to do, but all seemed to creep up into the "ihavetobedonenow" realm; add to that our stupid Ice Storm of one day and well!
It's been a full week to say the least.

Great thing-reading my students' essays; only a few refuse to get with the program.
Most are ready for any assignment that calls for an Essay! Yea!

This year, as I put away the tiny, tacky, dollar store X-mas tree from my desk, and took down the holiday themed writings from our hall bulletin board, I didn't cry. Improvement? I guess...This time last year I was running out of the building, stifling my sobs; I was going home for a two week break and you would not be around to help make it so much fun.

There would be no Chrissie shopping, just us two; no wrapping late at night with an adult beverage, LOL, no convertible ride through Deer Field to see the Griswold like decor, blazing like an 80's neon t-shirt under a strobe light. No photoshopped cards sent to friends and family, no obnoxious yearly letter to friends-
no Christmas.

The worst was Christmas Eve. With the kids off to the grandparents, you and I used to go out to eat someplace where we could get all dressed up; a romantic time where we could just unwind and appreciate the holiday spirit.

I don't have that spirit anymore. I feel-nothing.

I am happy with the kids home though, and we'll have a good time for sure.
I will visit with friends and that will be fun, too.
I''ll run around to the grocery store ( kids are home, remember? lol) and the mall and the movies and out to eat.

I am planning on culling through all our X-mas decor-time to pack away some things-writing more of your bio, and organizing stuff around the house like I do. I'll get to read, and it will be fine. Much like summer vacation.

But there will be no happiness at my good fortune and yours in our finding one another; no planning of futures over tiramisu and great coffee, no long weekend at a place we've never been to before; no midnight giggles or I love yous said in whispered kisses.

All of that is gone. I can't believe that some days I can live without all of that affection. It's live breathing shallowly to conserve energy.

The hardest thing about the holidays is sadly realizing that hope doesn't work, peace is fleeting at best, and awe and mystery are held only by small children and fairies.

On the BB for ex-pats that I still frequent is a thread that asks, "What do you really want for Christmas?" I want to write, I just want my hubby, but that would upset the apple cart a bit, so I have refrained.

But still, I mean it, babe. I do.

Love you Dazzy. Always.
Kisses, Wifey.

No comments: