Saturday, July 11, 2009

a random saturday in july...

...and it's OK.
Have been reading and cleaning and went out with friends last night; today-at dinnertime-I am off to see the movie "Moon."

You would have loved it babe, and I know this would have been our "Saturday night date movie" this week, lol. While I have actually gone out with a few men these past two months, no one holds a candle to you , honey, and I bet it will be a very long time until I can find one who will.

If ever.

Dating is such a stupid activity anyway-sometimes I wish I had parents who would just arrange something for me, LOL. Mostly, I just wish you were still here. I guess that feeling is one that will never go away. I used to think that it would, with time....but now I really know.

It doesn't. I just chose to look at the circumstances differently, that's all.

Mike is out in Cali with Matt. Having a blast for sure. Ash is up in Denton, doing wedding shopping things with a friend of hers who is getting married next spring-Ash is a bridesmaid-and I have had a quiet house once again, the first time since May, :P

It's not awful. I can be in the quite and appreciate it, but I do a much better job of it when I have work all week and bootcamp for three or four days and etc.

I should be writing. I should be shopping. I have to go see my Dad later; after the movie will be good. He never wakes up much now, so I usually just comb his hair and talk to him aloud while I watch some drivel on TV and hope that he dies peacefully in his sleep in the not too distant future.


I'd like to take the kids to NYC before school starts again por moi and after going to London I'd like to go EVERYWHERE, LOL.

I have this procatination and lethargic-ness that I haven't had before-it's not depression, but it is a settling of sorts in my soul-I think I am finally at the acceptance phase of my grief.

Wonder what's next? Hmmm....

I have dreamt of you so often lately I am surprised. I didn't/couldn't dream of you at all for so long that this is a bit weird. Not sure what you are trying to tell me, other than you will always be in my heart/mind when I make decisions as I navigate life without your physical presence.

So I am really missing you today, babe, as you can tell. Miss doing a house project with you, picking a movie, eating out, walking the dog, watching you shave, checking up on the Tigers, planning our next get-away...planning our life over Sunday morning I-HOP pancakes and coffee. Together.

I know, I know. I shouldn't dwell on what's not to be. I should concentrate on this moment, and how to live in it fully, and appreciate life for what it is, and not for what it isn't. But like the kid who gets a bit chubby before having a growth spurt, maybe my two steps back right now is getting me reading for the next phase of my life-another chapter of the book of my life without you as the protagonist, babe. :P

Here's to happiness and peace in all our souls.

Love you, Dazzy. Always.
Kisses, Wifey.

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